Try your hand at fisting?

"Babe sorry for trying to fist you last night": That is the text message my good friend received from her boyfriend the other day.  The conversation began with my friend asking for my opinions on fisting.

"Fisting (sometimes called handballing) is a sexual activity that involves inserting a hand into the vagina or rectum. Once insertion is complete, the fingers either naturally clench into a fist or remain straight. In more vigorous forms of fisting, such as "punching", a fully clenched fist may be inserted and withdrawn slowly. Fisting may be performed with or without a partner" (Wikipedia). 


I said  "it scares me and I think it can easily do serious and permanent damage.  It's one of the few sexual acts I would never attempt".  I feel as though I should continue by following this up by saying that my aversion to personally participating in this sexual fetish does in no way mean that I think others should or shouldn't do it; rather that if they are interested, they should do the necessary research into how to perform it as safely as possible.


[Anal fisting can cause rectal perforation which requires emergency surgery and can lead to infection and possibly death.  To perform fisting as safely as possible, it should be performed with the "fister" wearing a latex (or like) glove and by using appropriate lube and by having an established safe word.]


Since fisting can be seen as a pretty risqué thing - and often viewed as a taboo subject even amongst the most sexual-minded of folk; I was curious how one brings up wanting to fist someone.  I consider myself a very liberal guy, and I was a sexual health educator for 3 years as well as work with people who've been (or are) in the sex trade.  Yet somehow, this is one of the topics I wondered how it was discussed in a sexual way (since I'm more than aware of how to discuss fisting in a sexual health sense).  I mean, it's not like "slipping" into the wrong hole while going at it hard; because a fist - especially a large handed male fist - won't "slip" into an unsuspecting vagina or anus without a LOUD scream and the recipient being left with no sphincter action anymore resulting in needing a lifetime supply of pads to absorb all drainage that will fall out.  So is this a discussion usually done prior to sex just like while "shooting the shit" (dunno if that's even a pun), or is it something that is discussed in the heat of the moment while doing the dirty (that pun was intended lol).  This was my friend's response to my question of how her situation arouse....


My friend:  Moaning while in the throws of ecstasy while being fingered.
Her lover:  "You know I bet if we tried I could fit my whole hand in there".
My friend:  No longer moaning but rather concerned - "WTF?!"
Her lover:  "Oh don't be such a baby".
My friend:  "Let me fist your asshole and you can fist my vag".
Her lover:  "Not going to happen"
My friend:  "Exactly!"  Vag now dryer than the Sahara and no longer even slightly turned on


That's how it went down for my friend, but that's not necessarily how it would go down for most people lol.  It could've had a completely different outcome had the "WTF" changed to a "Ok let's try and make me your marionette!" hahaha.  Or as my other friend said today while we were driving talking about fisting: "If he's fucking you hardcore and then slips out and punches you.....I don't know if you'd notice".  Hahahaha.


I'm REALLY not trying to make fisting seem like some horrible sex act that shouldn't be done or anything, because I totally think if it works for you...work it!  Whatever gets you and your partner off....all the power to ya - even if it's punching power!  I would just hope that while fisting or attempting fisting (just as I hope for all sexual activities) that people know the risks and benefits and are doing everything they can to be as safe as possible.  And just cause fisting isn't for me (or my friend at the moment), doesn't mean that you shouldn't try your hand at it (man these fisting puns are so much fun!)  

Introducing Sex Into a New Relationship - cont'd

I was watching Brothers and Sisters all last night during my night shift and there was a part of an episode that made me think of this question about how many dates before sex thing. In the episode, one of the women who was dating the guy hadn't had sex even after having gone out numerous time (the exact number wasn't mentioned). The couple did say they wanted to go slow; however, her family was giving her a hard time about not having had sex with him yet. There was comments made that "if he hasn't tried to jump your bones yet he must be gay", "or he has an STD". Shows you.....even pop culture tells us that we should be having sex shortly after (and sometimes before) dating.

Introducing Sex Into a New Relationship

I was just talking to my awesome friend Angelique and we were discussing what "the general rule" is for how many dates into a new relationship before it's "acceptable" to have sex. She had said that she told a co worker 3 and her co worker pretty much gave her the "you're a huge slut bag with a loose vagina" look and so Ange has asked me and Lacey to get our opinions (possibly not the two greatest individuals for this question lol). I told her that 3 or 4 seems "normal" for most "normal" people but that it should be whenever feels right whether that's the first day or a month in (two months is too long....people lose interest haha). And Lacey too apparently gave the 3 date rule. So now, I wanna know what others think.....is the 3 date rule really acceptable? Or are my friends and I just crazy horned up fools who can't seem to restrain ourselves? How long is "acceptable"?

Vote for your answer on the poll on the right -------->

Ottawa man's sex partners urged to come forward

All over the local news yesterday, there was pictures of a man who police have released his photo saying that anyone who's had sexual contact with him should seek medical attention and contact their help line or crime stoppers because this man is being charged with 9 counts of aggravated sexual assault. The police say that the man failed to disclose his status a life-threatening sexually transmitted disease to his partners. The police say that all the sexual encounters were consentual but the "root of the problem is that the man did not disclose his medical condition". The police say the man has contacted most of his partners via the internet and they are strongly urging anyone who's had contact to seek immediate medical attention. He is in custody now and is awaiting trial. This is the first time police have released a photo of someone who is being charged with aggravated sexual assault by failing to disclose their medical status. Last year a Hamilton area man was convicted of first-degree murder after he didn't disclose his HIV status and 7 women were infected with the infection and 2 women died from AIDS-related illnesses.

Now here's what I think........

What I don't know is the solution to situations like these where someone knowingly puts people in potential danger by not disclosing his status; however, I don't believe in the criminalization of HIV as this is a ridiculous not effective cover so that it looks like the government and police are doing something to solve the issue. Criminalization only perpetuates HIV stigma greatly and will only lead to more greater problems; people stopping getting tested for fear of persecution when knowing status, HIV "witch hunts", etc. More than 20% who have HIV don't even know they have it (so would these people be prosecuted too?!) and with the criminalization of HIV resulting in less people getting tested to avoid the danger of knowing their status, this 20% would increase meaning less people knowing their status to tell their partners. See the slippery slope yet people? Criminalization doesn't work and you can (and I urge you to) discuss and ask a public health or sexual education nurse or doctor about this and they will tell you the same thing. Public Health has the responsibility to protect the health of the greater public more so than individuals and that is why they must do something towards people who knowing spread infectious diseases (TB, HIV, Hepatitis, Chlamydia, etc). There is no solution right now, but everyone with any medical knowledge on the issue all know that criminalization is not the answer. As well, the laws around criminalization are so foggy and are VERY much up to interpretation so you can never know really who is breaking the law. I myself have worked with these laws in some of the clinical work I have done and have been to discussion groups with lawyers and doctors and everyone agreeing that the law is very unclear. Also, as someone who has some friends who are HIV positive (one of my best friends is) and has dated someone who is positive, I've worked with people who have HIV and have been a sexual health educator for 3 years where I was a part in initiating free anonymous rapid HIV testing on campus, I feel I have a strong understanding of sexual health, rights, HIV itself, and the personal side to the disease. I am against the criminalization of HIV (there's even a video post a few days ago from me at a protest on Parliament Hill), and I think that we are heading down a slip-n-slide that is going to cause HUGE HUGE problems with respect to less people getting tested, more HIV infections, more HIV stigma, more discrimination; ultimately, the thousands of hours of work that hundreds of organizations have put in are about to be flushed down the toilet. I do think that something has to happen to individuals who are knowing putting people in danger, but for me the bigger that that needs to happen is......WE NEED A SEXUAL REVOLUTION! In the 60s there was "free love", we've had the "gay sex" revolution, we need the "own your sexual self" revolution! People! This is your body, your health, your life....it's YOUR decision to have sexual encounters. Up to you what you want to do and with whom and whether you believe a on-night stand about their status (granted you even ask), but it's a choice. Every time you engage in sex you have hundreds of choices but the first few are the most important to your health - OWN THAT! These people that blame others because they didn't disclose status, I say, "Why did you let them not use a condom? That was YOUR choice." If you don't care enough about your own health to want to protect yourself from Sexually Transmitted Infections, then why the hell should anyone else?! Own your own sexual self! Take responsibility! I think THIS is what needs to happen and then we won't have to worry about the disclosure arguments and the criminalization of HIV arguments. WE NEED A SEXUAL REVOLUTION!

Fresh Meat II

I LOVE MTV like it's nobody's business! It's not even a guilty pleasure cause I am not ashamed to admit it! haha. Currently I am religiously following Fresh Meat II. I wanna be on that show SOOO bad! It's got everything I love; physical sports, competition, sexy bodies, lots of booze, etc. I can't think of a single other thing I would want! Anyone wanna be my team mate if I'm on? haha.
I'm banking on Kenny and Laurel to win the whole thing. They're my favourites and they're gorgeous! GAH! LOVE this show! haha. I wanna do the competitions SOOO badly!!

Treasure Chest in Underwear Drawer

My dresser is completely empty of clothes now and all that remains is the loose, lonely, single socks and my treasure chest of condoms that lay under my underwear usually. There's an assortment to satisfy all needs from Trojans to Trustex to Lifestyle; ultra thin, MAGNUMS, shared pleasure, her pleasure, mint flavour, black and other coloured, banana, vanilla and other flavoured, regular lifestyle, lubes of various flavours and companies and even un-lubed for dental dam fun! This doesn't even begin to show you the literal hundreds of other condoms I have in bags packed away that I got back in my sexual health educator days. lol. If you need a couple, just hollar or stop by...maybe even spend the night ;) lol

Spartacus

I've heard talk of this so-called "Spartacus" tv show. I finally found it online last week and I can't stop watching it now! It's got EVERYTHING every show should have; lots of sex, nudity with full frontals all the time, gorgeous bodies, fighting and tons of blood! If anyone's into any of those things I HIGHLY suggest watching this show!

Magic Masturbation

So awhile ago Emilie and I were at a new age store in the Market called New Dawn. This place has everything from healing crystals, incense, tarot cards, wands, and magic potion ingredients, to books, religious artifacts, and jewellery. We were looking through everything and came to the book section and went through a number of them; trying learn magic spells and stuff. I found this one book that had a section about "magical sex". In this section it talked about auras and energies and what not, but the interesting part was it talked about magical orgasms for men (like they're not already magical lol). It described this process of being really aware of your body and then when you're on the verge of cumming you contracts your glutes, your pelvic floor and your abs (and you can optionally press on your choata for help when learning to focus). So naturally I had to try this magic orgasm out! That night when I was in the comforts of my own room, I was doing the deed and was "focusing my energies on my body and sensations". When I was close to erupting, I decided I would cum into a sock to avoid a mess (not believing this book I had read). I did what the book said and contracted my ass, pelvis and abs and came. When I was done, I looked in the sock and couldn't see anything. In disbelief, I slide my hand into the sock only to discover it completely dry! I had done it....I had a magic orgasm! Like a legit magic one! (Well according to this wiccan book anyways lol). I have since tried it one other time and it then too worked! Either I performed magic while choking my chicken, or I'm very experienced and focused while jerking.

New Pope Benedict Condoms?

The Pope's visit to the UK in September will go on as planned, despite the disclosure over the weekend of a memo written by a staffer at the British Foreign Office which mocked Benedict and the Vatican, suggesting a provocative itinerary which included the launch of a line of Pop condoms, the blessing of a gay civil partnership, open an abortion ward, and a speech on equality.

Just when you think we're taking one step forward...

When I first heard that sexual education was going to be extended to start teaching first graders in Ontario I was happy that we're FINALLY getting this right. All research shows that teaching sex-ed to children, as long as it is age sensitive language, has highlighted time and time again to reduce the likelihood of teen pregnancy and it also has been researched that earlier sex-ed leads to later sexual debuts than not providing true sexual health information. Yet here we are, 2 days later taking those two steps back. By taking back the proposed plan to include grade one for sexual education, it not only is an injustice to those children, but it also tells people that homosexuality, sexual orientation, masturbation, and all the other topics the conservatives and religious groups don't want children educated on, are wrong. It just saddens me that there was that glimmer of hope that maybe we'd start doing something right on the sexual health front that we are so far behind in.....but alas no.

Mutual Sex Theory

So there's this theory that Emilie and I have and it just keeps proving true time and time again; it's called the Mutual Sex Theory. In February 2009, Emilie and I were in Cuba for Spring break and we both hooked up with someone at the same time (not the same person though hah), and that caused our cosmic sex karma, or something, to go all crazy and after that we can no longer have mutual consistent sex lives. Only one of us can be having a consistent sex life while the other is doomed to abstinence or just a random sexual encounter here and there, but nothing constant; however, if the abstinent one started to have a constant sex life, then the former's sex life would end and the positions in this continuous sexual battle would take place. Unbelievable, I know. Sounds more like a coincidence? Here are the facts (for the purpose of the facts, abstinent doesn't mean ACTUALLY abstinent, just mean not a consistent sex life; AS IF we'd be abstinent! haha):
Me with Michael March - July (Constant) - Emilie (Abstinent)
Me with Brampton July - September ( Constant) - Emilie with Ahmed (Abstinent)
Me with Marc October - November (Constant) - Emilie (Abstinent)
Emilie with Rob October - April (Constant) - Marcus with Allen November - January (Abstinent)
Me with Mike March - Present (Constant) - Emilie (Abstinent)
So now I'm in the "Constant" position in this mutual sex game of Life that the gods are playing and I'm FREAKING OUT!! I don't want my sex life to be in the hands of Emilie! lol. I can't handle knowing that as soon as she finds someone to do the dirty with on an on-going basis that I'll stop having sex again (and it's GREAT sex!). Emilie and I were SOOOO close to breaking the cycle this time, but on 420, Em told Elliott Rob's name and Elliott told us that he knew him and that Rob has a girlfriend. So clearly that constant fell apart on the spot. Rob was even supposed to be "hanging out" with Emilie the following week and then this whole curse would be broken! But noooooo, Emilie had to go and tell Rob's name and continue with this shitty cycle. So I'm thinking, Em and I just need to go back to Cuba and hook up again simultaneously and everything will be right with the world! lol. Until we find the way to both success in this, I'm going to continue my constant sex life on edge, potentially sabotaging any of Emilie's prospects. hahaha.