Today is my last day of my month cookie diet and with only 2 relapses earlier this month I haven't touched any others! There were times I REALLY REALLY wanted cookies....but it's almost time! I'm surprised a little, that I don't have a bag bought and ready for midnight to come around! But I'm going out tonight to watch my friend Elliott perform at the bar, so I'll have a drink at midnight instead of cookies. Tomorrow's Canada Day and I can have cookies then....again with booze. I really should do a booze diet I think!.......I've had A LOT of booze over the last while......man! You just witnessed me having a thought! hahahaha. Meh...we'll see if it happens. I figured with Emilie gone now (which sucks balls might I add) that I wouldn't drink as much and so far I've drank almost every night since I came back from Timmins (and no not alone, cause I know that's what everyone was just thinking!) Anyways....I've got a cup of green tea getting cold on my table and people texting my phone like crazy that need answering (see I still have friends!) and so I'm heading offline to chill and relax like an old man before I shower, change and begin drinking! And who ever said I don't know how to balance?!
Last Thursday was the last time Emilie was in Ottawa; she left her hometown for the past 5 years to drive away with her dad and all her belongings in a white rapist van headed for her real hometown of Scarborough to live with her parents till she gets a job and moves out on her own. But I'll update you on the night before she left....we had a party at her empty apartment since Emilie, Laurice, Jess and Emilie's dad and I loaded all Emilie's stuff into the rapist van while Emilie put clothes in two suitcases. Lol, yes she was SOOO helpful! hahahaha. So as we partied the night away with drinking games, pseudo sangria and using all the booze left in the apartment, Spice Girls music, dancing while the kitchen light strobed and Laurice putting Waka Waka by Shakira on about 18 times in the night, interrupted only by the occasional cry fest as a friend had to leave. At the end of the drunken night, we walked Laurice's drunk ass home and then cabbed to my apartment for Emilie and my final sleepover. After about 4 hours sleep we woke up to cab back to Emilie's to throw out everything left from the party and head for breakfast (for the last time) at Moondog - due to everyone's over intoxication from the previous night, only Emilie and I made it to breakfast lol. After breakfast we chilled on the floor of Emilie's while Laurice finally woke up and met us to chill till Emilie's dad came to get her at 10. While chilling, Laurice told us that after we brought her home, she ended up going for a HUGE run all night long while WASTED! hahaha. Then the time came for her dad to get her and the tears happened (although I held them in good till I left her apartment and headed to the bus stop). She left. The final Emilie in Ottawa moment for me was me crossing the street infront of where we got drunk many times (La Maison), heading to campus bus stop with tears in my eyes and hearing her yell "Bye Lover!" as I turn to see her drive away with her dad....in the rapist van. I decided to bump my flight home up to be immediately after Emilie leaves so that I could get away to see friends and family back home and be distracted if even just for the weekend. It worked....I landed in Timmins. I had a great weekend - jam packed busy as always when I'm home for too short a period. Hung out with my mom and Jean-Guy a lot. Saw my Baba a number of times (even surprised her and went to CHURCH after drinking all the previous day!!). Friday I drank with Jo and did our regular dose of stupid shit and practical jokes in various locations. Saturday was golf tournament with Me, Kaitlyne, Lacey and Jo....so basically a drinking tournament with some golf. We had brought 2 40s of rum and a 26er of Malibu with us and then bought beer while playing too. So much fun! After the tournament and supper, we went to Kate's house for a pool party but the pool was WAY too cold so we settled for drinking games at the kitchen table. Then we headed out to the new strip club to watch the wrinkliest 40 year old stripper use a pole and then headed to other bars before heading our own ways home. Then in the morning i went to church and then had lunch with fam, headed to visit with Brianne for a bit before heading to the airport to fly back to Lonelyville. I arrived in Ottawa and it was instantly weird to not have emilie. We ususally talk on the phone from the time I get on the bus at the airport till I get home planning when we're hanging out that night and this time we couldn't. I hated it and was mega bummed. Thankfully Cassie came to pick me up and bring me to her place to hangout with her and her hubby Brent to cheer me up (and it did). And today?......back to being shitty without Emilie. I want her to come back! But, I'll survive - with the help of all the people I know in Ottawa! So that's been my hiatus in Shania Twain Land!
I apologize for the hiatus for the last few days, I was visiting family and the internet is not very good as far north as my family lives. But I am back so you can know what's been going on cause My Life is Ridiculous!
Yesterday was the hangover of death. I woke up from a night of drinking and dancing to the party still full throttle in my brain with the pleasant aroma of stomach bile in the air. despite the somersaults that my stomach was performing, I should probably be kinda thankful that I made it home; although, this may only be thanks to Emilie who walked me home via the phone. After vomiting a couple times after leaving McDonalds after the bar, I then began my long-ass walk home (NEVER walking home again when that drunk!). I have no clue how long the walk took me but I definitely was getting annoyed with Emilie who kept calling me whenever I hung up on her cause I just wanted to lay down in the park or someone's yard and sleep for a bit. I did however manage a cat nap on the comfy lawn of some unsuspecting house owner but that nap was cut short when my phone started ringing again and I got up and pretended like I had never stopped walking when I answered to Emilie again. Somehow or another I made it home alive. The entire next day I was on my couch; almost never moving from the three cushions I had claimed as my hangover place of choice, only getting up to pee a couple times and to grab water and to pay the pizza man when he finally showed up. The pizza was my food for the entire day except for the cucumber I ate like it was a popsicle. Emilie showed up in the early afternoon so we could co-hangover on my three cushions while watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer episodes - only moving to readjust to become more comfortable. I discovered that my feet/toes are VERY dexterous and can pick up pretty close to anything within range and so there was definitely MINIMAL moving. Finally around 8 or 9pm Cassie called and we made plans to go for a walk and since Emilie and I had been living-dead for the entire day...we thought that since it had cooled down and we were feeling a lot better, that it was time to make our appearance outside. The walk was perfect! The weather was awesome, we walked way further than any of us really planned to and it made me feel a little more human. I've been hungover many times after drinking; usually I feel it to some extend (since I'm so old haha), but I haven't been as bad as this hangover in a LONG time. Hopefully another hangover from hell isn't for another really long time!
Last night Emilie and I decided we'd randomly make banana bread; this was really what our entire night plans were based around. I decided we'd be awesome and blend 3 recipes together to make the ultimate banana bread! We filled the banana tin with the batter and went outside to play with sparklers that emilie randomly found. We thought that the bread would take like 30 mins to cook, but after being in the oven for 40 mins we went to take it out of the oven and the bread was still so liquidy that it was waving at us when the tray was moved. The bread ended up taking over an hour and even then it was still really moist inside. lol. The bread was good even though it really didn't have much taste. haha. So naturally we ate the entire tasteless loaf in like 20 mins! hahaha. And other than that loaf, the sparklers and the drinking of wine....that was my night!
I finally was able to make plans and go for coffee and hang out with my preceptor from when I was in consolidation, Cassie! I was SUPER pumped and I'm pretty sure everyone I know, knows how pumped I've been to see her! I wrote my statistics exam in the morning and then I went for all-you-can-eat sushi with Emilie, Laurice, Jess and Ricky - SOO good! Then a little later I met Cass at Bridgehead for a definite needed catch-up. We talked for hours about what's been going on since we last saw each other forever ago in February and talked about plans to get together more often from now on. I'm SO excited for the next time already! Then after we got kicked out of the coffee shop cause it was closing, Cassie gave Emilie and I a ride back to my place and Em and I had a chill night hanging out ending with a sleepover (which Em said we're doing every night until she leaves on Thursday).
Apparently this is the new craze in Asia (not sure where exactly, I forget); dying your pet to resemble a wild animal. I know, I know....blah blah animal cruelty, I get it, they didn't have a say in their dye-job...but they look so cute! And I mean come on....we pierce babies ears without their say and feed them shit and make them obese on McDick's without their say....so maybe a little cute wild animal dye-job isn't the end of the world. Hahaha And let's just be hypothetical for a second....what IF the colouring was all natural and non-toxic (which I'm fairly sure it's poisonous lol)....would it then be cool to dye your doggie?
I've been trying (VERY hard might I add) to not have any cookies this month as you know; and it hasn't been easy at all! When my family came down to visit last week, they brought me a tin of homemade cookies that Jean Guy made for me - thanks that makes it so easy to not eat them then they're homemade and in my apartment, not to mention when my mom constantly asks how I like them. So I ended up relapsing two times this month to eat those cookies Jean Guy made; once with Emilie (and mostly cause I think she just wanted them so she told me I could have them, or as she said "these don't count as cookies" haha) and then the next day I lounged on the couch and ended up eating the rest of the tin. So there's no more of those delicious cookies so I can't be tempted anymore right? NO! Yesterday while on campus streaming tv, there was a group of people at the couches beside Emilie and me eating boxes of cookies! RUDE! And then when I went to leave and throw out my garbage, there is was, sitting on top of the trash, calling my name with it's sweet sugary shape was the empty package for cookies! They're everywhere! Always tempting me! I avoid the isle at the grocery store that has cookies cause it's too hard and thankfully the one time I was forced down that isle to pick something up, they were restocking so the giant trolley was blocking all the cookies from view! It's almost the end of the month and I think I did pretty decently, but F it's hard! I couldn't even imagine never having them again!
I had my family over for a dinner party on wednesday evening and as a surprise for dessert I got special treats from a vegan bakery that's owned and run by a friend and girl I know, who has an amazing business! I told her I was going to blog about it cause I can't tell people enough how amazing she is but how crazy delicious and good her baked goods are!! The name of her business is Auntie Loo's Treats and it's found at 507 Bronson Avenue in Ottawa, just past Gladstone. The quaint little bakery is open Tuesday through Thursday from 3pm-6:30pm, and Saturday 8am-2pm; although, Mandi Loo is often at the shop before 6am baking up a storm. I walk by her shop almost everyday to catch my bus, and the door to the bakery is often open with amazing smells wafting out enticing me to go in but I'm usually last minute running for the bus. Her desserts are vegan and she also makes gluten-free options, and Mandi firmly believe that in-order for it to be a dessert (even if vegan) that it must taste like dessert....and her treats honestly taste more amazing than grocery store bought baked goods! You'd never know it's vegan! I went in to get some dessert for my family and I was going to buy an assortment of things so that my family could try different things and I had the hardest time deciding what to get! I got 4 different cupcakes and a maple coffee cake and a brownie. They were all AMAZING!!!!!! EVERYONE needs to go to Auntie Loo's and get something! For more information her website is www.auntieloostreats.ca. Check it out!
My family picked Lacey up this morning at 6:30am and made their 8 hour trek homeward. Yesterday morning Lacey and I went for breakfast with my mom, her boyfriend, my grandma and my sister. After breakfast, Lace and I walked home and stopped in a few sex stores along the way trying to find good, cheap porn. We made it home, then took a nap and when we woke up we went into cleaning overdrive and cleaned my entire apartment, laundry and all. We cleaned the apartment because I had my family over for a dinner party. The party was awesome! Lacey helped me out sooo much with cleaning and prepping for supper. The fam loved dinner and everything and then lacey and I kept drinking till Ricky was ready to come over. Then we went to Ricky's friend's bday party for a bit. When we left my apartment, Ricky was backing out of my parking lot (he was sober) and we heard his car crunch and my response was "don't worry it's just a tree. Keep going". To which Lacey replied "Uh, no, it's a metal fence!". My bad. After the bday party, we picked Emilie up and went to Mercury to go dancing. Fun night, not so fun waking up at 6 so Lacey could leave. I'm happy I got to see them all since it's been 6 months! Can't wait to see them again at the end of the month. And hopefully Ricky's luck gets a little better! haha.
I talked in my last post "Recap of the Past 24 Hours" that I was going to be going for dinner with my grandma, and I did go on Monday with her. We went for a walk in Major Hill Park and then started our way through the Market to try and find a restaurant that we wanted to eat at. While walking, my sister called to say that she wanted to come with us for supper so I invited her and told her to join us. We ended up deciding to go to Stella; it's one of my favourite nicer places in the market that has really good italian food and a great atmosphere. The three of us ordered and talked, and when the food arrived, my sister had two bites then looked uber pale and said she wasn't feeling well and excused herself to the bathroom. When she came back she said that she had to go home cause she wasn't feeling good and she wanted to lay down. So then it was back to just Baba and me like the original plan. This was the plan because I came out to my grandma over this supper; this was important as she's the only family member who doesn't know and I'm super close with her so I wanted to do it in person rather than my mom telling her. I wasn't nervous to tell her cause we're so close, but I had NO clue how she'd react - anyone who knows Baba knows she's often focused on her own thoughts and her own world and is very oblivious to her surroundings....this was no different. haha. I told her "I'm gay" and she responded with, "You're good? That's good! I'm happy that you're good!" hahaha. After recaping what she just missed, we had a really awesome conversation about it (actually way better than the one with my mom a few years ago! lol.) Who'd have thought Baba would be the best convo and had the best questions - not like my mom's first question of "does this mean you're going to start sleeping with everyone?" Hahaha. So it was a good convo, great supper, and amazing company! The evening couldn't have gone better, cause after bringing my grandma back to the hotel, Emilie and Laurice finished graduating so I met them at the National Art Center, took a couple pics and then went to Emilie's where the three of us sat around, got drunk and went to bed finally around 3am only to have to be up at 7:45 for my 8am class. It was all worth it!
This is my 24 hour recap of what I've done...woke up still drunk from the awesome dinner party at Derek's and then going dancing at Patty Boland's. So I took the morning slow, including lazing on the couch watching Will and Grace and trying to rehydrate the screaming cells in my brain. I tidied the apt a bit before Emilie came over (we hadn't seen each other in like a week and a half, but felt like a month) and we drank a bottle of chardonnay while watching Sicko and talking. A bottle and slight retoxication later, Emilie had to leave to catch her bus to have supper with her family. Pretty much as soon as she walked out my apartment, my mom called to say that my family was downstairs (thanks for the warning! lol). I went downstairs to greet my mom and my baba and mom's bf and my sister. My mom brought a bunch of stuff from back home for me, so we brought the stuff upstairs and did a quick tour of my apartment for them. As they walked out of my apartment to head back down the elevator my mom says "you know we're going for supper, is that what you're wearing?" I was told that dinner reservations were for 7:30, not 6 (the time it was) to which she replied "ops, I thought I told you the change of plans. We'll grab stuff or get ready really quick, we'll be in the car". So a change of shirt and pants, a little hair paste and I'm heading down the car with a spare toothbrush in hand. We went to The Westin, and mom and baba changed to be ready for dinner at Milestones with my brother and his girlfriend (Jess) and her family; Dave and Jess got back from Australia the night before and that day was Jess' grad. After dinner, we went to Dave and Jess' place where they gave each of us something they picked up from Australia - they got me a really nice Quicksilver shirt. After that I spur-the-moment went and grabbed Blizzards with Ricky from Dairy Queen! Haven't been there in forever - it was delish, but medium was way too big after dinner and without the gym for two days (don't worry I made up for it today in the dungeon cause I know you're all worried lol). Chilled at home after the DQ and Westboro car-cruise; again watching W&G. Today I pretty much lazed around, planned the dinner party I'm having with my fam at my place tomorrow and set up LACEY COMING TO VISIT ME!!!! My friend Mike is in Ottawa and his truck is back home in Timmins and he needs it so he's been desperately looking for someone to drive his truck down for him. So since Lacey just got home from St. Catherine's and I haven't seen her in forever she's going to do it and it works perfect cause she'll get in tomorrow in time for my dinner party, then wednesday we'll hangout all day and go dancing at HUMP night, then Thursday she's gunna get a ride home with my mom. I CAN'T WAIT! I'm currently sitting on the patio at Bridgehead (to use their internet and get my caffeine fix) while I wait for when my mom is ready and then I'll head over to The Westin to take my baba out for dinner; it's going to be a INTERESTING time with her that's for sure, but I'll update you on that tomorrow when we see how it goes. Emilie and Laurice are having their convocation today (SUPER happy for them, not so impressed that I'm not with them) and I'm expecting and planning to go out after their done. The day's beautiful out and so many of the people I love are here or coming and I'm in a great mood! Loving Life, hope you are too!
Yesterday was an awesome day! I hung out with Pam all day and it's always so much fun to be with Pam! We did a couple groceries since she had the car and then we headed out to Gloucester to go to the movies to see Iron Man 2 which was really good! (For the record, Scarlett Johansen is a SMOKE-SHOW - F'N GORGEOUS!) After the movie we headed to Place D'Orleans mall to kill time till 5:30 when Matt was done work. We picked Matt up and headed back to my place and chilled - err, Matt and I chilled and Pam napped. Then we headed over to our old landlord's apartment cause he invited us over for drinks and apps before dinner.
We arrived at Derek's and the house smelt divinely delicious! We started with cosmos and chatted in the kitchen, then made our way to the dining room to start on an amazing salad. Then dinner was served by an excited Derek and it was AMAZING! He should seriously open a restaurant! To finish off the amazing meal we had port wine with a decadent molten dark chocolate cake. We sat around the table for awhile after and caught up and talked for awhile (while the two cute dogs vied for our attention) and then we ended the evening. Truly amazing!
Matt and Pam gave Carli and I a ride to the market to meet our friends who were in line for the bar already. I don't even know what happened but somehow our friends were already inside and then they were escorted out and around to the front (with Carli and I stealthily with them) and we go in right away avoiding the whole line! The bar was really busy and was so much fun! We danced the rest of the night away and I loved it all!
To finish off the night, I walked Carli home and then walked the rest of the way to my own place. The only part that was horrible about the night was that I never saw Emilie yesterday and she's been gone FOREVER! We were supposed to go to her place after the dinner but before the bar, but things went a little too long. When I called to see if she was going to come to the bar she was already in PJs and so wasn't coming. After the bar when I texted her she didn't respond so I never got to see her! BUT....no if, ands or buts, I'm going to see her today cause I miss her and she's been in Toronto for the past week.
All in all though, the day and night was so much fun and I loved it!
So I decided that I'd blog about my favourite drink because every time I've come on this blog lately the ads have been about alcoholism or that drinking kills etc so I figured this is almost a tribute to the best alcoholic drink and keep these ads showing up. Rum and cokes are BY FAR my favourite drink in the world and anyone who even kinda knows me, knows this. I love Bacardi white rum I can (and sometimes do) drink it straight; the coke is more for colouring - I like my rum and cokes strong. According the Urban Dictionary the word "roman" is another definition for "the true players way of saying rum and coke" (example: hook me up with a "roman"). Therefore, since my middle name is Roman, I am meant to drink romans! I also have a hard time typing "rum and coke" cause when I'm typing fast it always comes out "rum and cock" hahaha. I guess that wouldn't be the end of the world! lol. Don't get me wrong...I love drinking lots of other alcohol, but nothing comes close to rum and coke. I even talked about naming my cat "Bacardi" if I got one (although it would've been named "Anastasia Beaverhousen" if it was a girl cat). The way I like my rum and cokes is strong (step 1), little ice - waters it down (step 2), straw is only fine when dancing at a club otherwise no straw - rum and cokes aren't dainty drinks (step 3), never fruit rimming the Roman - I'll let your mind frolic on that one ;) (step 4), and drink and repeat processes! Now, everyone knows how to make me my favourite drink! (So I expect them whenever I'm at your place).
Please drink responsibly! (but call me over first)
Why is it that it seems that nobody is honest? Why are people so cowardly or think that people are better off or not able to handle honesty? I can't speak for everybody but I can honestly say that I 100% would rather someone be completely honest with me, like I am with them, than tell me what they think I want to hear or not tell me what they're thinking cause they don't want to hurt my feelings. Whether it's about relationships or friendships or just plain talking to people......BE HONEST PEOPLE! I've made it almost 23 years through a less than protected lifestyle, so trust me...I can handle your honesty.
When it comes to meeting people online, I believe this is where society is with a new social medium to meet people and it's really no different from meeting someone at a bar or a grocery store. Just as someone in person can not be honest, but when it comes to people online people seem to easily (and more often) hide behind their internet facades; world wide web fabrications. Using the screen as a filter o true personality allowing them to become the idealistic version of the person they believe you want to meet. And no matter how honest you may be, and how deep a connection (or for how long) you have with someone met online, you inevitably have no certainty as to how much of the person you know is the real person you were hoping to meet.
This being said about talking to people online, the same can be said for people in the non-digital world (aka real world lol). If someone is interested in me as more than a friend when I'm only into them as a friend, then I'll let them know. I don't think it's better to avoid the issue or pretend the issue isn't there. I have confidence that the friend can take it and remain friends despite the fact that I don't have the exact same feelings towards them as they have to me. Just because someone is into you and you're not back doesn't equate to and either or situation: One person can have stronger feelings that are more than friendship and still remain friends. Just as if I was into someone and they weren't into me, I'd rather just know their feelings than not and remain friends than in a weird limbo of not talking about the issue or of losing the friend; I'd rather remain friends than lose that connection with someone.
So in short, I don't get the lack of honesty it seems that people have. Have more faith in people's resilience and just tell them the truth. Whether it's you only really think of them as friends and wanna keep it that way, to what you look like over the internet to that the dress your friend is trying on at a store is less than flattering - be honest. My challenge is for people reading this start now; respect your friends, or the people you're talking to, to tell them the truth. Be honest! ;)
So I decided to stop eating cookies for the month and today was day 1. I bought a tub of cookies on monday to eat before today as a last hurray for cookies, but I wasn't able to finish them and there's still half a tub staring me in the face this morning calling out to me. I'm doing this for a couple reasons but one is that I want the body so I have to give up the cookies to get said body....or at least until I've got the body and then it'll be easier to maintain after; therefore have cookies again. Also, a month without cookies will make my stomach issues a billion times better, cause let's face it....it's not like the boxes and boxes of cookies I eat (in one sitting) are wheat-free or anything. Other than the cookies on the counter (which I won't throw away so don't suggest that!), the day was good. Didn't really have any major cravings. Hopefully the rest of the month goes as well.
Here's a story about a person who was randomly brought into my life a little while ago and unknowing at the time would make one of the most influential changes to me. This person is Dan; or better known amongst my friends and I by his nickname "Brampton". I met Brampton randomly on a chat site online when he was in a chat room with dozens of ravenously horny old men begging him to remove clothes etc. Enter me into the chat room and the animals now had new meat to try to convince to entertain them. Brampton and I quickly became the center of attention in that room (not that I'm complaining since I love being the center of attention and he does too). We started private messaging and talking privately while the hungry men sent messages in the group chat, trying to seduce one of us to begin removing clothes; the group didn't know that Brampton and I were getting to know each other and having our own chat on the side where we talked about the creeps in the main chat. We'd then go back to the main chat and type things egging the group to seduce each other. Hahahaha. It was hilarious! Brampton and I eventually left the group and ended up chatting a lot for a number of days and each time we chatted on msn it would be for hours on end. Eventually, one time he said he was going to come visit for the weekend. I was sooooo nervous but uber excited! I sat on the front porch waiting. He arrived and we had a great fun weekend which included leaving the movies to be called to help remove drunk friends from sidewalks and get them into their beds after laying in their own vomit! lol. Then after he left we continued to talk all the time and I planned to go down to visit him when he was going to be performing in a musical. I trained down to visit him and while in Toronto we went to the CN Tower and all over the place. Randomly we went to Niagara Falls on a whim. We went for supper, watched fireworks over the falls (which as anyone who really knows me knows that fireworks are one of my true loves that bring a childlike pure joy to me), and then headed back to his home. The next day I saw his musical which was amazing and the time there was indescribable. I headed back home and we continued to chat on and off and then our lives got the better of us and took over. I admit up until the last little while, I've always led an insanely busy life with no time for myself let alone others, but Brampton's life is like tenfold on mine!
I hate that we don't talk very often anymore because the impact he made in my life, I don't think anyone will ever understand. We didn't even know each other for very long but we had such an understanding of each other. When we hung out together, he treated me like I was the only person in the entire universe and that only I mattered. He showed me how I should love and respect myself enough to realize that THAT is how me (and everyone) deserves to be treated and that it should be what I have with the person I'm with and if not, why not - everyone deserves it. The short time that I've known Brampton, he's taught me about myself more than most of the people I've been with or have met. Even though over the past 9 months our communication hasn't been the greatest (sporadic at best), I still (and think I always will) consider him one of my closest friends. I almost wish there was some way that I could thank and tell Brampton how much he means to my life and how much he's helped me realize not only what I'm capable of having, but what everyone SHOULD have and nothing less. I know I've told him on msn and stuff and number of times, but I don't think words really explain.
I now think that everyone deserves what I had been shown by Brampton last year. Everyone deserves to feel as the most important person on the planet to someone. Everyone deserves to have true joy and excitement and fun with someone and smile! :D It's hard to actually realize this yourself. Everyone enters and leaves dead-end relationships with friends and significant others (or maybe insignificant others) but too often we fight for these relationships to not end when they're really not nearly what we deserve. We settle even when we pretend to our friends and ourselves that we aren't. When we're sad about a relationship ending that is less than perfect, we have to realize we all deserve perfect and suddenly this pseudo relationship isn't as sad to come to an end. This is what Brampton taught me and hopefully through me he can help you realize this; and if he can't hopefully very soon you all get to experience it cause you deserve it more than you think!